The Great Illusion of Goals: Why Your quest for success might be taking you away from true happiness

Five years ago, after achieving a professional goal that had obsessed me for years, I experienced that strange moment many know but few discuss: instead of the lasting euphoria I expected, I felt a disconcerting emptiness. This experience led me to deeply reflect on the very nature of our ambitions and radically transformed my relationship with goals.

From our earliest childhood, we're instilled with an almost sacred belief: our happiness depends on our ability to achieve ambitious goals. Whether it's earning that prestigious degree, reaching a six-figure income, sculpting the perfect body, or building a community of thousands of followers...

These goals become the milestones of our existence, the promises of future happiness.

But have you ever experienced this troubling phenomenon? That moment when, after finally reaching the goal that motivated you for so long, you feel a strange dissatisfaction – as if the mountain you climbed with such effort suddenly flattened beneath your feet.

If this feeling resonates with you, welcome to what I call "the illusion of goals" – that mirage that makes us chase accomplishments which, once achieved, never bring the promised fulfillment.

In this article, we'll explore this fundamental paradox together, understand the psychological mechanisms that transform our ambitions into sources of frustration, and most importantly, discover a deeper and more fulfilling approach to navigating the river of our existence.

The Success Paradox: Why Our Achievements Don't Fulfill Us

"Happiness is not at the end of the road, happiness IS the road." This quote that I long considered a simple spiritual cliché has revealed itself to be a profound truth that modern science now confirms.

Hedonic Adaptation: The Great Saboteur of Our Satisfaction

Our brain has this fascinating – and sometimes frustrating – ability to quickly adapt to any new situation, whether positive or negative. Psychologists call this phenomenon "hedonic adaptation," and it explains why our accomplishments rapidly lose their flavor.

Let me share a personal experience: after months of hard work to launch my first successful program, I experienced two weeks of intense euphoria... followed by a return to my usual level of happiness, as if this success was now established, ordinary, almost invisible.

This phenomenon manifests in all areas of our lives:

• 🏠 That dream house quickly becomes "just the place where you live"

• 💰 That income level that once seemed astronomical becomes your new minimum standard

• 💪 That physical transformation you were so proud of becomes your new normal that you fear losing

This rapid adaptation to our successes isn't a weakness – it's an evolutionary mechanism that constantly pushes us to grow. But unrecognized and unmastered, it becomes a trap that locks us into a never-ending quest for "always more."

The Fear of Loss: The Paradoxical Anxiety of Success

Here's a truth that few personal development mentors dare to admit: the higher you climb, the more vertigo-inducing the potential fall becomes. I've observed this phenomenon in many successful entrepreneurs I coach.

This paradoxical anxiety manifests in several forms:

• 🔹 The prosperous entrepreneur who, despite millions in the bank, lives in constant fear of losing everything

• 🔹 The athlete who has reached their peak and dreads the daily decline of their performance

• 🔹 The content creator who has built a large audience and becomes a slave to algorithms and metrics

What I find particularly fascinating is that this fear of loss can become more powerful than the joy of having succeeded. The achieved goal then transforms into a burden – a position to defend rather than a victory to celebrate.

The Root of Our Obsession with Goals

If these goals don't bring us the promised lasting happiness, why do we collectively remain obsessed with pursuing them? Why do we continue to set new peaks to climb, new records to break?

The answer lies in our fundamental need for direction and meaning.

We are narrative beings – we need stories to give shape to our existence. Goals provide the structure for these personal stories; they create movement, progression, a narrative arc.

The problem isn't having goals – it's rather in how we choose them, formulate them, and connect them to our deep identity that the trap lies.

The Toxic Motivations Behind Our Goals

Through my years of coaching, I've identified several problematic sources that fuel our goals:

• ❌ Goals dictated by social conditioning: "I must own a large house and a luxury car to be considered successful."

• ❌ Goals born from comparison: "My former classmate became a director; I must reach at least the same level."

• ❌ Inherited goals: "My parents always wanted me to become a doctor."

• ❌ Fossilized goals: "I decided 10 years ago that I wanted this, but is it still aligned with who I am today?"

The essential question isn't "What goals should I set?" but rather "Why do these particular goals attract me, and are they truly aligned with my deeper essence?"

Finite Goals vs. Infinite Goals: A Transformative Distinction

While meditating on this paradox of goals, I found profound clarity in the concept developed by Simon Sinek on "finite and infinite games," which I've adapted to personal development.

This distinction allowed me to transform my relationship with goals and radically improved my sense of fulfillment. I now share it with everyone I coach.

The Finite Goal: The Summit to Conquer

A finite goal has a clear and definitive finish line. Once reached, it is "finished" – you have won or lost.

Examples of finite goals:

• ✔️ Running a marathon in under 4 hours

• ✔️ Reaching $100,000 in annual revenue

• ✔️ Publishing a book

• ✔️ Losing 20 pounds

These goals have their place – they create clear direction, motivating tension, and measurable milestones. But when they become our sole focus, they trap us in a cycle of accomplishment-emptiness-new goal that strangely resembles addiction.

I've seen so many people reach their "life goal" only to fall into a form of existential depression, no longer knowing where to direct their energy.

The Infinite Goal: The Journey Without Destination

In contrast, an infinite goal is a continuous quest that has no definitive finish line. It's less about reaching a specific point than embracing a direction, a philosophy, a way of being.

Examples of infinite goals:

• ♾️ Cultivating a harmonious relationship with your body

• ♾️ Constantly deepening your mastery of an art or discipline

• ♾️ Exploring and expressing your creativity in various forms

• ♾️ Contributing positively to your community

The beauty of the infinite goal lies in its ability to free us from the illusion of arrival. It invites us to find our fulfillment in the journey itself, in continuous exploration rather than in reaching an endpoint.

How to Restructure Your Goals for Lasting Fulfillment

After coaching hundreds of people through their transformation, I've developed a five-step approach to reconcile our need for accomplishment with our desire for lasting fulfillment.

1. Authentic Introspection: Rediscovering the Source of Your Desires

The first step is to ask yourself, with radical honesty: "Why do I really desire this goal?"

Take a moment to explore the layers of motivation:

• Is it to impress others?

• Is it out of fear of missing something?

• Is it due to social conditioning?

• Or does it truly resonate with your deeper self?

This question may seem simple, but it requires a level of awareness and honesty that few of us regularly practice. During my retreats, I've seen participants realize with astonishment that some of their most cherished goals didn't really belong to them.

2. Finite-Infinite Integration: Creating a Coherent Goal Architecture

The key isn't to abandon finite goals, but to consciously integrate them into an infinite quest that gives them meaning and context.

Here's how to proceed:

1. Identify one or more infinite quests that deeply resonate with you

2. Define finite goals that serve as milestones on this endless path

3. Ensure these finite goals nourish your infinite quest rather than diverting it

For example, if your infinite quest is "exploring and deepening creative expression," then writing a book becomes a milestone on this endless path, rather than an end in itself.

3. The Practice of Presence: Rediscovering the Richness of the Process

"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans." This phrase by John Lennon captures the essence of what so many of us forget in our race toward goals.

Deliberately cultivate your ability to be fully present in the process:

• 🔹 Take time to regularly note three aspects of the journey that you appreciate

• 🔹 Integrate rituals to celebrate small daily victories

• 🔹 Practice mindfulness in your activities, even the most ordinary ones

I've discovered that people who find joy in the process not only have more satisfying lives but paradoxically achieve their goals more easily – probably because they naturally persist in activities they enjoy.

4. Liberation from Comparison: Honoring Your Unique Path

Comparison is perhaps the most subtle poison for our relationship with goals. In the age of social media, we are constantly exposed to the carefully staged successes of others, ignoring the doubts, failures, and struggles that preceded them.

To free yourself from this trap:

• 🔹 Practice regular social media "fasting"

• 🔹 Keep a journal of your own progress, based on your unique starting point

• 🔹 Surround yourself with people who value authentic journeying rather than appearances of success

A transformative practice I recommend: for each goal you set, ask yourself "Would I pursue this if no one would ever know about it?"

5. Identity-Performance Separation: Being Greater Than Your Achievements

Perhaps most importantly: learn to dissociate your intrinsic value from your accomplishments. You are not what you achieve – you are the conscious being who chooses, experiences, and evolves through these achievements.

This liberating distinction allows you to:

• Take bolder risks, knowing that failures don't diminish your value

• Abandon goals that have become obsolete without an identity crisis

• Celebrate your successes without becoming their prisoner

I regularly practice this powerful exercise: imagining losing all my external accomplishments and asking myself "Who would I be then? What essence would remain?"

The Ultimate Test: Loving the Path Regardless of the Destination

After years of exploring this paradox of goals, I've come to formulate what I call "the process test" – a simple but profound question that can transform your relationship with any project or ambition:

If the answer is "no" – if you hate every step of the way and persevere only for the promise of the finish line – then you may need to reconsider either the goal itself or your approach.

I experienced this revelation when I realized that some of my business goals, although lucrative, led me to spend my days in activities that didn't nourish me. I then restructured my business not around what earned the most, but what created a path I loved to travel every day.

Toward a Deeper Relationship with Your Ambitions

The paradox of goals is not an invitation to abandon all ambition – quite the contrary. It's a call to a deeper, more authentic, and ultimately more fulfilling ambition.

Goals, when properly integrated into a broader vision of your life, become not tyrannical masters but traveling companions – structures that support your growth without limiting it.

In a world obsessed with visible and measurable results, consciously choosing to value the journey itself is almost a revolutionary act. It's choosing fullness rather than performance, authenticity rather than appearance.

💌 Loved this ? Share & Subscribe to the newsletter…

Follow-me on Instagram & Threads

Check out my latest videos

What about you? What infinite quest gives meaning to your journey? Have you ever experienced this disappointment after achieving an important goal? How have you transformed your relationship with goals?

Share your experience in the comments – your unique perspective could illuminate the path of other readers in search of meaning. 🌱